Space Jam

the pitches

Picture of Chris Sully

Chris Sully

Title: space jam 2: the return
Directed by: mcg
Starring: danny devito, bugs bunny, & the other looney tunes

25 years after the events of the first Space Jam movie, the world has mostly forgotten about the weird era when Michael Jordan retired from basketball (the first time), when cartoons mixed with reality and a space ship dropped MJ off for one of his minor-league baseball games. As if it had all been a dream, people had returned to their normal lives.

In the summer of 2020, when the world was preoccupied with a certain fast-spreading infectious disease, Pro-athletes, trapped in their homes with nothing to do but create weird Tick-Tock videos and play video games found themselves separated from the very sports that they had become synonymous with. They no longer played their sports in front of large crowds or on national television. It was because of this “distraction” that they didn’t even notice what was happening.

Fast forward to 2021, when the world finally had a cure for the disease and people started to return to their normal lives. Businesses re-opened and large gatherings were once again allowed. Fans couldn’t wait to return to the stadiums and arenas that they once loved so much, and had missed desperately. It wasn’t until the first games were played that a new issue began to surface.

Pro-athletes like Mike Trout (baseball), Tom Brady (football), Serena Williams (Tennis), Sidney Crosby (Hockey), Cristiano Ronaldo (soccer/football) & LeBron James (basketball) finally had the chance to return to their respective sports and the world was waiting. ESPN was foaming at the mouth!! Because of the wait, all the major sports were set to return at the same time.

The big day, dubbed “The Return” (sponsored by Nike) was scheduled for March of 2021. The opening ceremonies of the NEW World Sports Day began and they were all ready to rumble! It was only then that the world discovered what many of the athletes had already learned. These athletes didn’t have it any more. Sometime during their quarantine, their sports mojo had been stolen. They had tried to hide it by keeping practices private, but the cat was out of the bag now.

As news outlets began to report on the problem, the airwaves were taken over by a familiar face – Swackhammer. The once-foiled evil genius had found a way to secretly steal all of the athletes athletic abilities and demanded a rematch against the Tune Squad. With a HUGE wall of cartoon athletes lined up behind him, Swackhammer outlined his demands for an All-Sport competition, this time on his home court of Moron Mountain, and the stakes: The NEW Monstars win and Swackhammer gets ownership of all the major sports leagues on earth –  the Tune Squad wins & the athlete’s powers are restored.

It’s then that we see a bit of backstory for Swackhammer and how he came to this plan for retaliation against the Tune Squad, Michael Jordan and Earth. Swackhammer had been humiliated and wanted to enforce his revenge, but as long as Michael Jordan was a threat, he didn’t think it possible. He plotted and planned and patiently waited for his chance and that’s when it all lined up. The disease spreading, humanity quarantining itself & finally, the debut of The Last Dance, showing an aging Michael Jordan gave Swackhammer what he needed to move forward. He had new minions, a new plan & the opportunity he had been waiting for. He struck and he struck hard, taking the athletic prowess of the world’s best athletes.

The Tune Squad jumped to action and immediately turned to Michael Jordan for help, knowing it had worked once before. Sadly, Swackhammer was right. Michael Jordan had aged out of his playing years and couldn’t do it, or could he? Bugs and team thought back to how they had almost been beaten in 1996 and realized that they could replicate what Swackhammer had done to them, take the athletic ability from anyone, current or ….. Maybe even retired. They test their theory by letting Bugs take over Michael’s skills…. And it WORKS! Bugs is unstoppable, just like MJ in his prime.

Who else could they turn to? What other retired/former athlete’s could they “borrow” from? That’s when ESPN stepped in! Their “Top 100 Athletes of the 20th Century” list had been developed and debated over the years, creating just the checklist the Tune Squad needed to move forward & create the perfect team.

The Tune Squad turned to the still living members of that list to build their own Dream Team – Wayne Gretzky, Muhammed Ali, Wilt Chamberlain, Hank Aaron, Joe Montana, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Mark Spitz, Pele, O.J. Simpson…. (well, maybe not O.J.), Chris Evret, Mario Lemieux, Bo Jackson & more stepped up to share their abilities with the Tune Squad.

The Tune Squad takes off to Moron Mountain to compete in this new All-Sport event, a universal Olympics of sort, competing in events ranging from Soccer to Basketball, from Baseball to Swimming. And in every event, the Tune Squad surprises the Monstars by unveiling their new abilities, swapping out as needed from their bank of legendary athletes. The greatest matchups of all-time would take place, for the Universe to see.

A montage, set to an epic soundtrack, shows the two sides battling back and forth, each winning and losing at different contests. And after dozens of events, it comes down to one, final, winner-take-all game of…. Yup, you guessed it…. Basketball.

Jordan’s Tune Squad versus Lebron’s Monstars. The best legendary players versus the best current players from the NBA (all in cartoon form of course). We cut to center court in this final match and the tip-off.

Behind the scenes – Just as the game is about to begin, the unlikely duo of Bill Murray & Wayne Knight show. They had been working behind the scenes (being two of the only people in the universe who knew what had happened in ‘96) to figure out what magical talisman Swackhammer had used this time around and they were close.

We cut back and forth between the game and the search behind the scenes for the new talisman – a cel-phone with all of the players profiles, stolen from their Tik-Tok accounts. Each player had touched their phone and agreed to the end-user agreement, that included the rights to use their athletic abilities. Since nobody reads those things, they didn’t even know what they were giving away.

Murray and Knight find the phone and steal it back. They smash the phone and boom! The game is over. The minions shrink down to their original size, the players powers are returned and the game ends abruptly. Swackhammer is apprehended and permanently put on ice at an ACME prison. Our heroes return home and we cut to the Looney Tunes, Jordan and Lebron. Their celebrating the win and talking through the events of the previous months, when Lebron makes a joke about how he’s glad the phone was found, or all the sports leagues would have gone to Swackhammer.  Jordan looks at him, the same way he looked at that iPad so many times in the Last Dance, with a smirk/smile.

We cut to center court of the Staples Center in L.A. Jordan’s lacing up his Nikes and LeBron is throwing talc powder into the air. They step to center court and the ball is thrown up. They both jump for the tip-off and….. End credits.

Title: space jam: loonier landing
Directed by: brad bird
Starring: kate mckinnon, sam rockwell, the looney tunes

Astronauts Bugs, Daffy, Kate, and Sam have begun to inhabit Mars, creating shelters underground, safe from the dangers of surface living. When drilling to expand their base, they discover a vast and ancient cave system, one which looks manmade, though be it made by very small men. After brief exploration, the astronauts discover the Martian race is alive and well beneath the red planet. They are very short, and very aggressive.

They take the group of astronauts by force, leading them to a great hall with giant statues of martians carved into the red rock, each with a foot atop a chiseled planet. The martian soldiers tell their captors how each leader of Mars conquered planets throughout the galaxy. Some of the planets are unrecognizable. Others are known, but considered uninhabited. The group wonders if this was always the case or if the Martians had eradicated life on them before being discovered by humanity. Then they reach the end of the row where Earth has been more recently etched into the surface, and Marvin the Martian is the great warrior leader portrayed as its conqueror, his sneakered foot planted over North America. The group begins to question the validity of these statues, when a pair of shadowy figures comes from nowhere and takes Bugs and Sam.

Daffy and Kate are presented to Marvin seated in a ridiculously high throne. Kate discovers that Daffy knows Marvin, and the Martian leader is struggling to explain to everyone, including his own people, how humans can be here if their planet was conquered.

Meanwhile, Bugs and Sam arrive in a strange place, where the colors are muted and the architecture is straight lines and perfect symmetry, and the shadowy figures look very similar to the Looney Tunes from Earth. We soon discover, however, that they are not the same, and they are far from Looney. In this bizarro version of the Looney Tunes world, the cast seems to have all visited speech therapists and attended finishing schools. Here, Sylvester and Tweety are best friends, and Daffy is called Mellow Mallard, a poster duck for Valium. Bugs meets his doppelganger, Henry Hare. With combed-over ears and pin-striped fur, he is the gentlemanly leader of these toonspeople, and he explains how they’ve relocated themselves to Mar’s core to evade the little men above.

Bugs and Sam tell them their friends still need help, but they can’t convince these subdued cartoons to assist them. Henry is hospitable and friendly, but scared of the Martians. Sam notices the town is littered with warning signs over mundane dangers, as if every corner may have falling anvils or gift-wrapped boxes of TNT. Bugs wonders if these cartoons have the same resiliency as his own cartoon friends.

In a large spectacle, Bugs puts on a show of incredibly dangerous stunts, hurting himself to show that he can’t be killed. He invites the audience to join him, only convincing Mellow Mallard due to his seemingly dreamlike state. When Mellow is cut into pieces, the crowd gasps and runs away, afraid for their lives.

Daffy and Kate, still Marvin’s prisoners attempt to escape on their own, a series of failed gags and martian blunders where they end up right where they started, but the martian minions are discussing just how Marvin conquered a whole planet of these creatures by himself. They gather en masse, demanding he prove his warrior-like abilities.

Henry Hare and Mellow Mallard, now aware of their regeneration capabilities agree to help Bugs and Sam free their friends. After some elaborate pranks and mischief to distract the guards, Kate and Daffy are broken out of their cell, and the group head back to the Martian toon town. What they don’t know is Marvin has followed them, and after the group reveals the way to toon town, Marvin orders the astronauts drill be brought in to open the passage.

The toons are celebrating their victory when the entire Martian army burrows into their world and invades. At first the Martians are the clear victors, but the cornered and outnumbered toons imitate what Bugs demonstrated, the magic of being Looney. As the toons embrace their powers, they reveal themselves to be far more malicious than they first appeared. Primed from battle, they’ve gone wild-eyed and crazed. They cage and torture the Martians. Henry Hare declares that not only should they not live in fear, but that his people should be the galaxy’s true conquerors. Bugs and his crew are unsettled and realize they’ve unleased monsters.

In collaboration with Marvin and the Martians, Bugs, Daffy, Sam, and Kate trick the evil toons into beginning their galactic rampage at the farthest point from their corner of the universe, hoping they won’t return. The astronauts are able to return to Earth. Marvin returns to his throne, his statue now slightly altered. What was Earth has now become Mars, Marvin its unquestionable conqueror.

other features


The turtles form new alliances and take on old rivals with these original shell-shocking pitches from the Sully Brothers.

Read More »

Ghost Writer in the Machine

We’re inundated with AI stories as of late, laughing and marveling at its varied mistakes and achievements, but the what-if phase of artist replacement has already passed.

Read More »


The boys in blue get face-lifts from the Sully Brothers and guest host Jungle Bri as they pitch their very own Avatar movies!

Read More »


Scroll to top